yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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