I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
