literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
