I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
