i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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