Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
