I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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