All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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