you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
