This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
