you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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