Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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