if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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