i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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