Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
