I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
