i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
