It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
