You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
only if we run a train.
done.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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