I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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