all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
