Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
