Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
