Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
