forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
