Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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