Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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