proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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