Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
