my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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