The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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