my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you inspire me to be a worse person
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
