I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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