I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
