I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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