Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
