just tell him i said nine months
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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