Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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