stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
