Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
