upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
