You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His nipple licking is glorious
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