it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
