Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you will always have a special place in my vag
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
