can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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