When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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