i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
