On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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