Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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