She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
