Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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